remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
