They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
