a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
