She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
