I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
