I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
