Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
