just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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