Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
