I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
