so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
