Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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