Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
