for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
