I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I've blown a few things in my day
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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