Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
