If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
