Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Just cropdusted the office
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
