Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
