And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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