i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I fill condoms, not promises.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
