Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
