How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
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