sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
