I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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