If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
third nipple confirmed
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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