where am i from again
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
