you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
