then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
