reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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