yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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