i barfeds in our rink
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
