I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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