Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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