ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
