I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
