If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
