We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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