If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
