how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
