yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
