dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
