nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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