Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
