i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
