I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
