apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
