OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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