i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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