saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
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