Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
