thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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