Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
