Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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