just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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