i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize