well most of my day revolves around power hour
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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