I am in a vortex of obligation.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
