the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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