how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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