I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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