I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I don't deserve a penis
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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