Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
