the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Dear god my vagina.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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