When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
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This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
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Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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