You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Randomize
