i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Randomize
