just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
